ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
