you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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