No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
