I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
