If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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