covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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