There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
