I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
