is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
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