When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
