your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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