she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
