do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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