If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize