Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
