when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
