OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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