I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
