Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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