The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
