Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
