'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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