people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So much rum. So many feels.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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