ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
