Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
