i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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