I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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