I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
