saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I am never drinking with the goths again.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
