You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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