you traded sex for a burrito?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
