New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
