Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You smell like stripper and shame
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
