ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
