phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize