I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
