i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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