i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize