so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
