i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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