You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
