hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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