I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
