Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
