You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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