Umm I'm too high to move.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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