dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
