i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
