I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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