I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
