so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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