Small penises have feelings too.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
