And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
