these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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