it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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