You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
