Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
