I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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