fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
