I didn't shave. On purpose
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
