I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you told grandpa to call you daddy
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
