I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
