I just made out with a guy for $7.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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