I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She's not a foreskin expert like you
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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