Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i've created a new STD.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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