I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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