He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
