if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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