i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
