I faked an abortion last night.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
