i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
