I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
