hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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