She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
