I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
