I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Randomize
