I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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